| The future |
[Mar. 17th, 2006|10:34 am] |
This is Char.
Didn't I say we'd be OK?
All the misunderstandings from the past would work themselves out and that everyone would get happy eventually.
Apart from the absolute haters who will always try and force themselves into our lives, not mentioning any names, we are finally getting better again.
What with the flat and all, and especially now that the things with the friends is coming to a close through all of your and their efforts, by the way, everything will get better.
At least all the people who weren't worth the effort are now completly out of everything and we're still standing ^_^ Don't take shit off people who cause you pain anyway!
I love you hunny, forever x |
|
|
| Stoled. |
[Feb. 12th, 2006|12:58 pm] |
|
My Chemical Romance - x
Taking Back Sunday - x
The Used - x
Muse - x
Nirvana - x
Brand New - x
Thursday - x
Green Day - x
Bright Eyes
Incubus - x
Weezer
Snow Patrol - x
AFI - x
The Strokes
Nine Inch Nails
AC/DC
Sex Pistols
The Ramones
Motion City Soundtrack
The Clash
Phantom Planet
Sugarcult - x
Lostprophets - x
The Postal Service
The Shins
The Walkmen
Maroon 5 - x
Rooney
The Killers - x
Box Car Racer - x
From First To Last
Thrice - x
Hawthorne Heights
Senses Fail
Anti-Flag
Chevelle
Sum 41
Blink 182 - x
coldplay
Bjork
Plain White T's
Death Cab for Cutie - x
The Vines
Action Action
At The Drive-In - x
The Mars Volta - x
Interpol
The Hives
Hot Hot Heat
Black Flag
The Arcarde Fire - x
The White Stripes
Modest Mouse
UnderOath
Audioslave
The Stills
The Thrills
Doves
Fall Out Boy - x
The Bravery
Kaiser Chiefs - x
Head Automatica
Pencey Prep
Beastie Boys
The Rasmus
Hellogoodbye
Spoon
Queens of the Stone Age - x
The Doors
Kings of Leon
Unearth
Avenged Sevenfold - x
36 Crazyfists
The Get Up Kids - x
Straylight Run - x
The Promise Ring - x
The Beatles
Led Zeppelin - x
The Smiths
The Academy Is... - x
Punchline
Gym Class Heroes
Letter Kills
Atreyu
Deftones
Korn
Good Charlotte
Simple Plan
Bleed the Dream
Steriogram
Rides Again
Bad Religion
A change of pace
New Found Glory
MxPx
Out Of Your Mouth
The All American Rejects - x
The Ataris - x
Mineral - x
Sublime - x
Louis Prima
Tegan and Sara
The Violent Femmes
Sparta
Gorillaz
Tuesday Weld
The Chemical Brothers
McFly
Bitch Alert
Pixeltan
Showbread
Le Tigre
Soundgarden - x
Red Hot Chili Peppers - x
12 stones
Something Corporate - x
Jacks Mannequin
Minus The Bear
Against Me!
Saves The Day - x
Screeching Weasel
All-Time Quarterback
Jimmy Eat World - x
Leo, Ted, and the Pharmacists
Queen
Rilo Kiley
Motley Crue
The Aquabats
Alkaline Trio - x
Iron and Wine
The Transplants - x
Everclear
Eisley
No Doubt
Blondie
HIM
A Small Victory
Bayside
Tool
Metallica fuck yess - x
Faction
Strike Anywhere
Breaking Benjamin - x
Pretty Girls Make Graves
Oasis
Mae
Depeche Mode
Her Space Holiday
The Casualties
Aerosmith
From Autumn to Ashes
A Static Lullaby
Lola Ray
Kashmir
Madison
Dallas Green
Hanson
Rammstein - x
System of a Down - x
Dashboard Confessional - x
Switchfoot - x
Matchbook Romance
3 Doors Down - x
Backstreet Boys
The Juliana Therory
Brad Paisley
Kenny Chesney
Lifehouse
Train
Vertical Horizon
Misfits
The Spill Canvas
June
The Juice
Busted
Relient K
Thousand Foot Klutch
Spitalfield
Less Than Jake
Mest
Powerman 5000
The Early November
Bedlight for blueeyes
Nural
Foo Fighters - x
Billy Idol
The Decemberists
The Who
Panic! At The Disco - x
Savage Garden - x
Pixies
The Music - x
Coheed and Cambria - x
Vendetta Red
OdESSA
Story of the Year
Yellowcard
Goo Goo Dolls - x
Bowling For Soup
Franz Ferdinand
Son OF Dork
Wakefield
ThisShotgunKiss
Killswitch Engage - x
After The Fall
Be Your Own Pet
The Subways
The Kooks
Sleater-Kinney
Radiohead - x
Metric
SET FIRE TO FAILURE
The Von Bondies
Garbage
The Bled
Bring Me the Horizon
Saosin
Billy Talent - x
Zebrahead
Genesis
Cky
Socratic
Bullets and Octane
Jenoah
Red Lipstick Letter
Northstar
Pepper
Goldfinger
Copeland
Colour Of Fire
Auditory Aphasia
Bullet for my Valentine - x
The Proclaimers
Iron Maiden
InMe - x |
|
|
| Hola |
[Feb. 8th, 2006|09:40 pm] |
Hey all.
This week has been wierd, everything that has happened between a certain few people and me has just made me feel angry.
One of them phoned me up this week at quarter to fucking 3 in the morning and asked if I was coming out I said no because I was working at half 8 and then they had the ordacity to get mad at me.
Why do people do it?
Why do people just make things worse after they hace died down? Writing "Twat" on my Dads car tying up the wing mirrors in chain fencing to the floor. These were the people at one point I called my brothers. Where are they now? When I need them the most? They are causing my grief, as opposed to helping me out.
And you know what? I don't care anymore. For the past 6 months I havn't needed them, and they sure as hell havn't needed me. So why drag it up again?
Why are people so oblivious to the pain they cause? |
|
|
| Wow |
[Feb. 2nd, 2006|12:10 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  AHHHH | ] |
| [ | music |
| | streetcar - Funeral for a Friend | ] |
Hola all you lovely people who read this (HaHaHaHa!!!)
It has been a while, lets begin the update
Got all the stuff sorted for the London trip:
Discounts flight tickets - Check
Hotel - Check
Give it a name weekend tickets - Check
Now all I need os for April to hurry its ass up and get here
Finally get to see alot of my favorite bands
MCR
TBS
The Ataris (HA! Got you Day :P)
P!ATD
Hundred Reasons :D:D:D:D
Goldfinger
Aiden
Thrice
Billy Talent
Lost Prophets
Ahhh! I'm Home :D |
|
|
| New Years Resolutions |
[Jan. 4th, 2006|04:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Vermillion - Slipknot (live) | ] |
Shame....
A new year. Just as I was getting used to 2005...
Ah well has been a crazy mo fuckin' year. I wont go into detail as to how, 'cos most of it is on here.
People keep asking if I have made any new years resolutions and as I keep telling them, I havn't. Wanna know why?????
Because last year I made a resolution to sort my life out, look where that got me :P. Nah, it's cos they are pointless, no need to make up some crazy resolutions that you know your gonna break in five minutes anyway.
Anyway....
To this year, what do I hope to achieve...
I hope to be able to drive by early 2007
I hope that on my 18th I will be pissed, I also hope that the people that I hurt last year, can be there.
I hope that I am a better person than I have been
I hope that people can forgive me for the way I have acted |
|
|
| Past |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|11:47 am] |
|
Again looking back at my LJ and I can't believe how much I have let go, good friends..family, thats what we were...family and i threw it all away waht the fuck did i do |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Dec. 7th, 2005|08:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Hmmm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Truly Madly Deeply - Savage Garden | ] |
Guys - I apologise for writing about all of you on my LJ, but I'm not gonna apologise for what I said, because this is how I feel, sure I shoulda told you myself and I am sorry for that, but I still have no reason to apologise over the last few months and I know your all gonna be reading this and thinking how much of a twat I am, and I can now accept that (Hell, I probably am) this has gone on far too long and we all know that so when I come to machine WITH CHARLOTTE, we make a choice, we decide whether it was really worth arguing for nothing or whether we just do our seperate thing and get on with our lives. We talk about it without bitching, without spitefulness, without any of the hating (and I'm not talking about just you guys with those comments im talking about me aswell) and we do it peacefully, cause I am willing to resolve this if you are
today was fun. I missed you all. |
|
|
| Hello |
[Dec. 2nd, 2005|10:59 am] |
I got a text last night...not sure if was meant to scare me, threaten me or was just a random text of congratulation.
If you think I am going to take back what I said guys, your wrong. I would say it to your face if I could. |
|
|
| Contenplative |
[Nov. 29th, 2005|10:36 pm] |
I dunno what kidna mood I am in tonight.
I guess I am kinda missing my old life, my old friends.
But then again, I'm looking forward to what is going to happen with my life, I mean..I survived this far, didn't I? Things didn't stop me that much did they?
I dunno........
I doubt I ever will |
|
|
| So......Tired |
[Nov. 28th, 2005|08:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  *yawn* | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bullet for my Valentine - Cries in Vein | ] |
Started my three days off today, not a day to soon.
Got a lift home with Hannah yesterday, that was fun. Looking forward to the 16th December so much havn't seen Calcia play in aaaaaages.
Been trying to sort out a hall for my new band to play in so far with no sucess, i really want this to work out i missed playing in a band so much.
well speak to yas all soon
Peace.
~Ash~ |
|
|
| There's always someone fucking hanging on... |
[Nov. 19th, 2005|01:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Loving Life | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Incubus - I wish you were here | ] |
Hello All
I have been feeling very angsty recently (with my last few posts anyway). But from here on now i am not gonna let anything drag me down not even myslef (which happens alot). I promise to get my life sorted, which is why I am gonna get courses done for my GCSE's and a mode of transport, maybe a scooter but not one the crappy chav ones, the shexshy little Italian ones.
I got tired of feeling down on myself, and rejecting any help I got offered, it reminded me of a year or so ago and the Hazel thing. so here is a few personal messages:
Mark, Nick, Jay (and anyone else who wanted to get involved): You may think what you want, you may think that i am an asshole, a jerk, a dickhead, you may think that the only reason i am with char is for sex, you may think that i am blowing you off for her. here is the truth of the matter, I am growing up, and no matter how you feel your not gonna stop me getting on with my life, and as far as i am concearned this is not my fault, i have done nothing worng, and if you expect an apology anytime soon, i am afraid you are going to be sorely dissapointed. you were the ones who bought it up and if you were any kind of friends you wouldn't of got angry you would of supported me like others did. and even if your not, I am still gonna be here for you, cos even if i am not yours, you are still my brothers.
Those that did support me: thank you, you helped me get through alot of things, and i promise i am going try and give you more of my time and attention. you are all truely amazing to be putting up with me, and i hope i get to see you all soon, cos i do miss you, i really do miss the days we used to spend doing nothing but chill and talk about any thing and everything.
Char: I know you are going through a hell of a time at the moment and i just want you to know i love you, and i am always gonna be here for you whether it hurts other people or not, cos you are my angel and my soulmate.
Peace.
~Ash~ |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|11:37 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Sincerely Yours | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Brand New - The boy who blocked his own shot | ] |
All These Things (Revolve Around Me)
Once more I’ll say goodbye to you
Things happen but we don’t really know why
If it's supposed to be like this
Why do most of us ignore the chance to miss?
Oh yeah
Torn apart at the seams and my dreams turn to tears
I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when your feeling like
Me (me!)
Yeah (yeah!)
All these things I hate revolve around me (me)
yeah (yeah)
Just back up before I snap
Once more you tell those lies to me
Why cant you just be straight up with honesty? (honesty)
When you say those things in my ear
Why do you always tell me what you wanna hear? (wanna hear...)
Oh yeah
Wear your heart on your sleeve make things hard to believe
I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide,
It's the best place to be when your feeling like
Me (me)
Yeah (yeah)
All these things I hate revolve around me (me)
Yeah (yeah)
Just back up before I snap and you'll see (me) me (me)
All these things I hate revolve around me (me)
Yeah (yeah)
Just back up before I snap
Torn apart at the seams and my dreams turn to tears
I’m not feeling this situation
Run away try to find that safe place you can hide
Its the best place to be when your feeling like me...
Its the best place to be when you're me (me)
Yeah (yeah)
All these things I hate revolve around me (me)
Yeah (yeah)
Just back up before I snap and you see (me) me (me)
All these things I hate revolve around me (me)
Yeah (yeah)
Just back up before I snap
This song explains perfectly how I feel right now. I dunno what it is, I can only explain how I actually feel on here because I know that if I tell someone then I'll just get beaten down again and my feelings wont matter, my feelings get put on hold because I don't matter, but then again, I never have, if I did then things wouldn't be so fucked up between everyone, we would still be friends, brothers.
Yeah, people can call me selfish, ignorant, vein, pathetic, whatever, just keep shooting, eventually you will just be wasting your ammo. |
|
|
| History |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|11:16 am] |
Life is a fickle thing, and is prone to so many changes.
CRHS seems like forever ago, and yet not long enough to erase the amazing memories I had there. I have grown up now, as have many of my friends, standards have changed, sacrifices made and now everything is different, and I hate it.
I Am looking at those Photos of the Record of Achievement day, and I see so many things:
Hazel and Alexx when they were going out
Dayne with Jemma
Molly Smiling
People we never use to hang out with but we did
MARTIN USHER :D
me with short hair
Mark and Jake
Chris being crushed by them
The three Borthers (the fourth is taking the photo) In Mark Nick and Me
two different groups who had combined to form one of the greatest friendships I have ever known
I see .... laughter, joy, friendship.
Everyone smiling for that brief moment, and in that brief moment we were all happy
Then you look at today. All of us in that photo split into different worlds, That summer changed us all it was the greatest summer of my young life but things are different now, things have changed, we have all grown up, moved on, and i just hope one day we can all meet up and share our lives, and still be the closest of friends.
Even if no-one from that photo reads this, i want you to now that i am sorry. |
|
|
| Why? |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|08:51 am] |
Okay it may have happened a while a go, I don't know, but why the fuck would someone fuck with my user info, and I have a pretty good idea who it was, because there is only two people that know my password, me and mark. You think that's mature, cos i sure as hell don't, i will tell you what it is, its pathetic and a waste of time, as are you at the moment. Last night i kept thinking, how fucked i have made things and i need to do something about it, but now, now I realise, you guys started all this, not me, you guys said that i was leaving you behind, or fucking you off or whatever, not me. I was speaking to hannah last night, she reassured me that, despite the fact i dont have time, they were still my friends, and they always would be, see thats what should be happening, not this, brothers? brothers would never do something like this. back stabber? how did i stab you in the back, you left me, not the otherway round.
fuck you all now, cause if i have learned one thing it is this, it is times like these where you know who your real friends are. feel free to call me, shout at me, say im useless and pathetic, i wont be listening |
|
|
| Disconcerted |
[Oct. 16th, 2005|09:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Hmmmm | ] |
I dunno what's wrong.
Things just seem to have been slowly getting worse and worse for me recently. I know. I know, I only have myself to blame for everything, whoever keeps saying that can shut the fuck up, seriously, whoever invented that phrase wanted to mess my head up something rotton.....
Anyway back to the point at hand, things are fucked, I have no idea, and when I go to turn to someone for support, I realise there is no-one because I drove everyone away. I got so caught up in my own personal problems, that I never took anytime to motice my friends around me, now it is far to late, and whoever is still talking to me is probably doing it out of sheer pity. I have ruined me life, I have ruined Char's life, and I have ruined everyone else's lives.
What the fuck have I done... |
|
|
| Single spark can start a spectral fire |
[Oct. 6th, 2005|11:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | At The Drive-In - Sleepwalk Capsules | ] |
Quarantined - At The Drive In
autonomous machete for hands
warden and judge hide behind masks
wet raindrop lull
small rationing
exhumed the rhetoric of
break the weak in single file
sanction this outbreak- a virus conspires
push becomes shove, days become months
i seem to have forgotten the warmth of the sun
feeding frenzy, it's contagious
have trigger, will travel
single sparks are spectral fires
shackled the grapple and the sentinels found
binoculars watch cardboard towns
strung up in webs the net was flung
over the auditorium
slave trade the weak, no call to arms
sanction this outbreak; a virus conspires
push becomes shove, days become months
and i seem to have forgotten the warmth of the sun
a single spark can start a spectral fire
have trigger, will travel
Been Obsessed with At The Drive-In Recently, very good band :D. well anyway after working nin days on the trot i have three days off. life is still sucking slightly, and i know it is my own fault that it is happeneing, doesn't stop mefrom feeling upset. ah well, going out now to do some retail therapy cos i got paid :D, bought a laod of CD's Yesterday. Trivium, Bullet for my Valentine, and Killswitch Engage, today i am gonna buy more, a band called panic at the disco, and probably soem muse albums, well see you all later |
|
|
| The Science Of Breaking Down |
[Sep. 23rd, 2005|09:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ..And Then I Turned 7 - Goodbye ( I'm Sorry) | ] |
The Science Of Breaking Down *Acoustic*
Time Consumes
the very essence of what we were
and we lose
what we once held dear
we held so close to our hearts
and swore to never give it up
I'm Sorry
I'm Not coming home tonight
The Tears Fall
Your Hope is fading away
I'm Sorry
I'm Not Coming home Tonight
Nothing At All
Can Change the way things have to be
Our Friendship
Dangles on a Tight rope
Above us all
things that we once held true
just out of our own hands reach
and is threataning to fall
I'm Sorry
I'm Not coming home tonight
The Tears Fall
Your Hope is fading away
I'm Sorry
I'm Not Coming home Tonight
Nothing At All
Can Change the way things have to be
nothing can change this
and nothing can stop us
from tearing eachother apart
nothing to do but
sit and hold tight
as we fall from Grace
I'm Sorry
I'm Not coming home tonight
The Tears Fall
Your Hope is fading away
I'm Sorry
I'm Not Coming home Tonight
Nothing At All
Can Change the way things have to be |
|
|
| Echo |
[Sep. 17th, 2005|12:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Damn | ] |
Wide Eyed And
Broken Hearted
Casually Dressed
But Now Departed
What we are
and
Destined to be
My Eyes Are Open
But I Can't See
I Can't see
Echoed Hope
Drowning in the Emptiness
Now I Choke
On this fucking lonliness
Look At What I've Done
now I'm Gone...
I'm Gone
"Here Lies Trust"
In The Shadows
Of Her Lust
Can you tell, it shows
Now We've Found
Something we Can Build on
Mutual Ground
I Feel Myself Being Drawn
I'm Drawn
Echoed Hope
Drowning in the Emptiness
Now I Choke
On this fucking lonliness
Look At What I've Done
now I'm Gone...
I'm Gone
Gone.....
Gone....
Echoed Hope
Drowning in the Emptiness
Now I Choke
On this fucking lonliness
Look At What I've Done
now I'm Gone...
I'm Gone
well last night and this morning prooved how much of an arse i
am. i just whish everything could be okay, nothing ever will be but i
just wish it was. i wish i hadnt of lost everything, and i wish there
was something i can do about it. and i know its my fault that i havnt'
and i know that i really should of done something sooner. hopefully
things work out. hopefully. |
|
|
| No More Breathe Inside |
[Sep. 12th, 2005|04:01 pm] |
well its been a strange few months, ups and downs loses and gains, where to begin.
well actually i don't want to begin, i just want to say one thing. and if people read this THIS is how i truely feel:
this past couple of months has been the hradest few months of my life, i have lost one thing after another felt worse and worse, all casued by things beyond my control but guess what I AM STILL HERE no matter how many shots, no matter how hard i am gonna get hit i will just get back up and even if i have to stand alone through thick and thin i will still be here, so please feel free to take your shots feel free to push me back i will continuye to struggle on. |
|
|
| So Cut My Wirsts and Black My Eyes |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|04:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | Tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hawthorne Heights - Ohio is for Lovers | ] |
This is my first update in a while.
ermm where to begin, well i finally got a job, i am a radio control operator for euromanx *ooOOoo's from crowd) earning £122 a year, which isnt bad going, the only thing is i am working shifts and all this week i have had to get up at five in the pissing mornning, but tommorrow i get a lie in because i am working from half 1 till half nine *fuck no machine*. i have to wear a uniform although i havnt actually got it yet and i am allowed to carry sharp objects in the restricted zones :P.
ermm not much else has happened in my life, cpet my bros party went horribly wrong and Mark Nick Char and I got a taxi from the machine to castletown and we were gonna break it up but the twats who gatecrashed it had left before we got there.
pretty good few weeks will update soon. |
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